200903141 Jung Sun Hoa
p. 76.77 and 78 Timed Writing - First draft
13 Days with My Three Chicks
When I was a second grade in elementary school, I had my first pets in my whole life. They were three chicks. I bought them in front of my school. One day after school, I found that many students were gathered together around some boxes. So I went there with curiosity, and there were many chicks. They looked so cute because they were so small and each of them was dyed as a different color. They were sold as very low prices, so I could afford some of them. I decided to buy three chicks, and began to choose them very carefully. I picked the pink, green, and yellow one. And then I called them as their colors. And I stroked my chicks' very small heads continuously. I was so happy all the way to home with my new friends.
From that day, the first thing I did when I got up was to say good morning to all my three chicks and stroke their heads softly. Whenever it became time to go school, I felt so sad. And the thought of my chicks kept going round and round in my head during all classes. We had a really great time together. Whenever I played with my yellow friends, the other two friends came to me and behaved like they were really jealous. They were so cute and adorable. I never thought about parting from them, especially for their death. One day, however, my green chick did not stand and move at all. The only thing she did was just raising her head sometimes. I was very worried about my green one. So I took care of her, and talked to her that she would be fine. But she died. My sadness was beyond expression. And the same day, my pink one died either. We spent time together about 12 days only. Two of my friends left me too early. But my yellow chick was still alive and the same as any other day. I paid more attention to her. After school, I ran much faster to get home and be with her. The next morning, my yellow chick did not stand and move at all like the other chicks did before death. I could not go to school. I cried for help to God to help her not to die. I put her on my two palms, and kept saying that 'please don't die'. The last moment, she suddenly pooped and died. I cried and cried for more than five hours, still putting her on my palms.
It was my first and last day in my life to be absent from school. I could not leave my yellow friend. I thought that she was just tired and felt weak, so she might get up after having a rest for a while. I really could not admit her death. I rubbed my cheek against her body, and kept saying that 'please get up'. I didn't hear the phone ringing from my teacher, so I was unable to answer it. All in my mind at that time was only my yellow friend. She was still warm. I cannot forget her warmth on my palms and 13 great days with my three friends. They have been my best friends ever.
[Lee Su A]
ReplyDeleteI have a same experience that you had, losing pets. Your writing really showed your feelings at that moment, almost like mines, so I think your writing descripted and organized well.
And I just wonder if your thought about buying pets or feeding pets have been affected by this events since then. It could be also a good thing to add in my personal opinion!
200903141 Jung Sun Hoa
ReplyDeletesecond draft
I had my first pets in my whole life when I was a second grade in elementary school. They were three chicks. I bought them in front of my school. One day after school, I found that many students were gathered together around some boxes. So I went there with curiosity, and there were many chicks. They looked so cute because they were so small and each of them was dyed as a different color. They were sold as very low prices, so I could afford some of them. I decided to buy three chicks, and began to choose each one of them very carefully. I picked the pink, green, and yellow one. And then I called them as their colors. And I stroked my chicks’ very small heads continuously. I was so happy all the way to home with my new friends.
From that day, the first thing I did when I got up was to say good morning to all my three chicks and stroke their heads softly. Whenever it became time to go school, I felt so sad. And the thought of my chicks kept going round and round in my head during all classes. When I got home, we were always playing together. Whenever I played with my yellow friends, the other two friends came to me and behaved like they were really jealous. They were so cute and adorable. I never thought about parting from them, especially for their death. One day, however, my green chick did not stand and move at all. The only thing she did was just raising her head sometimes. I was very worried about my green one. So I took care of her, and talked to her that she would be fine. But finally she died. My sadness was beyond expression. And the same day, my pink one died either. We spent time together about 12 days only. Two of my friends left me too early. But my yellow chick was still alive and the same as any other day. I paid more attention to her. After school, I ran much faster to get home and be with her. The next morning, my yellow chick did not stand and move at all like the other chicks did before death. I could not go to school. I cried for help to God to help her not to die. I put her on my two palms, and kept saying that ‘please don’t die’. The last moment, she suddenly pooped and died. I cried and cried for more than five hours, still putting her on my palms.
It was my first and last day in my life to be absent from school. I could not leave my yellow friend. I thought that she was just tired and felt weak, so she might get up after having a rest for a while. I really could not admit her death. I rubbed my cheek against her body, and kept saying that ‘please get up’. I didn’t hear the phone ringing from my teacher, so I was unable to answer it. All in my mind at that time was only my yellow friend. She was still warm. I cannot forget her warmth on my palms that day, and 13 great days with my three friends. They have been my best friends ever.